by Madame Noire
Sometimes bad experiences in bed can turn into jokes that are told over and over for comic relief — or they can become terribly embarrassing moments that you’d wish never to speak of again.
Whatever the case, awkward sexual experiences happen and are pretty much unavoidable, but they can also teach us lessons. Checkout these awkward sexual situations and add yours to the list, if you dare.
Sex education class is a very important precursor to actually having sex. It teaches you how to put on a condom, what happens when the condom is too small and when it’s too big. When the condom is too big the consequences could be having it lost inside of your partner and that leads to spending time searching for it or heading to the ER– not where you want to end up after a roll in the hay.
SLEEPING IN THE MIDDLE
Sometimes sex is alluring and fun and mind-blowing, but if you’re tired it becomes a chore to stay up during the act. Falling asleep during sex is probably one of the worst things you can do, but also the most common because it’s not a jab towards the other person it’s just that sleep trumped sex. Regardless of the reason, it’s quite awkward.
DRUNK AND NOT IN LOVE
It may seem appealing to get really drunk and have wild sex, but the reality is that drunk sex is not always fun. The outcome of drunk sex can be: a flaccid p*nis, vomiting and/or unprotected sex. We may want to leave drunk sex for the movies and songs.
It’s really no fun when sex ends too quickly or never gets off the ground to begin with. It becomes awkward when the apologies and excuses start rolling in so in this case, I’d say just move on gracefully and try again next time….if there is a next time.
BREAST MILK ANYONE?
If you’re a breastfeeding mother and your husband or man is in the mood, you might get a bit overstimulated and release the lactate brigade during the act. It’s a natural thing that happens, but it’s also a weird thing. In this case throw on a bra and get back on the horse.
NOT ENOUGH ROOM
Movies have shown us that sex in a car can be spontaneous and fun-loving, but let’s just tell the truth, that ain’t always the case. When having sex in a car, you have to take into consideration: the size of the car and the size of your bodies. If you spend most of your time trying to adjust in the car, you might as well move it back to the bedroom or somewhere with an open space.
FOREPLAY AND FOREHEADS
When Harper Stewart, the character in The Best Man played by Taye Diggs, first introduced us to the “forehead kiss” it came across as endearing, but in real-life it has become a nuisance if not done right. A forehead kiss mixed in with foreplay should be a stimulant that leads to the real act, but if there is too much saliva and teeth knocking( this does happen) then it becomes awkward and painful.
Outdoor sex is tempting and spicy. But let’s not forget it is illegal and there are places you may not want to go. Sex on the beach is the one place everyone may want to try, but sand and other beach creatures may also join in on the act and ruin a good time. A bit of preparation may work when getting it on outside just to alleviate problems.
TOO MANY QUESTIONS
When insecurities sneak into the bedroom it takes away the passion of the moment. Asking questions about the size of your anatomy or if something is bigger than it should be is a major turn off and it can become uncomfortable for your partner. The one question that should stop being asked is “was it good?” It is by far THE most awkward and uncomfortable question ever.
CREEP EYE CONTACT
It’s romantic and connective to look into your mates eyes while making love, but it can become awkward when the look becomes more of a death stare. Bernie Mac once talked about how uncomfortable it is when a woman is looking at him while “going down” and his funny response was “what do you want me to say? You doing a good job?” Welp!
Read more in Madame Noire
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.
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