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Henry Okelue: Domestic violence – The role of family in raising a real man

A child with ego issues is easily spotted right from that tender age. An effort should be made to to cultivate this child to use ego positively.

titi arowolo husband

What are the solutions? How do we engender a relationship between the sexes that is handled with the highest levels of patience, restrain, and wisdom?

Yes, both men and women carry a lot of the blame, but I will rather, via this medium, seek to tackle a man’s share of this blame. At least I am a man, and I understand how we think and act better.

One of the most powerful driving forces of the typical man is his ego. His ego is what most times motivate him to strive to be the best he can be…..or the worst. A man’s emotional reaction is many times directed by how is ego is pricked, positively or negatively.

If a father specifically makes his son see that if his sister offends him, hitting her, abusing her, or any violent reaction, isn’t appropriate, then the first hurdle has been surmounted. This son will most likely grow with it, morph into a man with it, and eventually become the kind of husband who will see his wife, not as a boxing bag, but as his respected partner. You do not brutalize someone you respect.

A man will usually go to very extremely extents to protect what he holds dear. Right from boyhood, he innately has this need to shield what he loves from harm. I believe it is physiological.

This article was published with permission from TelegraphNg

Making noise, having rallies and protests about domestic violence is at most a cosmetic remedy, but very likely an impotent solution. Laws will only work to send the violent man to jail. He is just one man, there are many more where he came from.

by Henry Okelue

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Recently in Lagos, a young man was sentenced to death by hanging for the brutal murder of his wife. The murder was the aftermath of an issue of domestic violence, something that is rather prevalent in our part of the world. So many marriages have packed up in record time because of this, a man who does not see his wife as someone who should be handled with care, a man who sees a misunderstanding with his woman as a fight to the finish.
This isn’t supposed to be so. Thank God it has not become the norm, but the number of incidents is almost overwhelming as more and more get reported.

So what will make a man, who pulls the stops to protect who or what he loves from others, also pull the stops to harm who he holds dear just because his ego has taken a negative hit?

Saturday, March 8, was International Day of the Woman. A day that has been set aside to celebrate women worldwide and cast the spotlight on issues that affect them.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

The role of family is key, and we the parents of this generation must, as a matter of responsibility, take the task of proper nurture of our children serious. That way, when they grow into men and husbands (and women and wives), we will be hearing and seeing less of the kinds of barbarism that pervades our society now.

It behoves parents to see it as a crusade to impart in their children, and for the purpose if this piece, their sons the twin attributes of respect and restraint, no matter the provocation. This should be extended to how they treat their siblings, their friends, and their classmates, especially the girls.

There has to be a balance so that he can temper his ego so as to temper his temper?

Any human who does not have control over his temper exists in the same realms as a lunatic.

Children learn and internalize a lot of things while in their formative years. Children learn songs, learn languages, learn manners, and a whole lot of things which stick with them even in adulthood. I personally know people who are in their forties and still, unconsciously, abide by a curfew!

Temper.

It behoves parents to see it as a crusade to impart in their children, and for the purpose if this piece, their sons the twin attributes of respect and restraint, no matter the provocation. This should be extended to how they treat their siblings, their friends, and their classmates, especially the girls.

Control of temper can be nurtured if you ask me, and handling ones ego can too, just the same way reverence can be. This is where parents have a responsibility.

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