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Identify your needs: 3 things you (probably) want in your relationship

by Anna Bella


It would be fairly unusual to have a couple who wanted exactly the same thing at the same time with the same level of importance. But it could happen. And how easy life would be! 

Do you know what you really want in a relationship? Have you thought about this and talked to your partner about this? One of the reasons I believe my relationship between my partner and I is so successful is because we both know what we really do and don’t want in a relationship and are not afraid to communicate this. We communicate our wants and needs respectfully and lovingly and state the level of importance it is to us.

It would be fairly unusual to have a couple who wanted exactly the same thing at the same time with the same level of importance. But it could happen. And how easy life would be! But most couples will have different ideas on what they want out of a relationship. There are many points to consider when deciding what you really want in a relationship, but here are my top three to get you starting to think about what you really want in a relationship:

1. Marriage and Commitment

Are you ready to find your PFL (partner for life) and settle down? Or do you want to date different people, travel the world, and not get too involved until later in life? Neither is right or wrong. You just need to know what is right for you. My cousin got married at 21 and he is still happily married over 20 years later. My other cousin worked, traveled, didn’t have children, and waited until she was 38 to settle down. She has been happy and content for the last 10 years.

2. Children

At some point you will have to decide whether or not children are in your life plan. If you pine for a large family and your perfect partner wants to travel the world instead, how is that going to impact on you both later in life? Or what if he’s a bit older and already has children? How do you feel about stepping into a ready-made family? Your decision in that regard has consequences not only for you and your partner, but for the children as well. Think this one through wisely if children are already involved.

3. Finances

Do you like the fact that you are independent and earn enough money on your own to go out on Friday nights with your friends and buy nice clothes whenever you want to? Or would you welcome the fact that your partner may like to share finances? This may mean that you could possibly have a joint account which assumes responsibility for both people and what each person spends money on. Some couples like to have a joint account for all the essential bills (gas, electricity and food), yet maintain a separate account so that each can spend money on whatever they like without having to justify their spending.

There are many more points which could be added to this list. But the most important thing is that you need to be clear about the things you want in a relationship. Especially if they are deal breakers for you. While age plays a big factor in issues such as having children, you need to know what’s really important to you. Then there can be no misunderstandings later.


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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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