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Opinion: An open letter to Jagaban Tinubu, the unsolicited Yoruba leader

by Kayode Badmus

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I remember the only embarrassment for us came when two law students from that same “upgraded secondary school” went on to attain first class honors each at the Nigerian Law school, Abuja; those bias idiots who failed your son, Seyi only a year later. I remember he had to retake his bar exam despite all the elitist education you exposed him to.

Dear Sir,

It is with benevolence that I write you this unwarranted letter to congratulate you on your numerous achievements which indeed would make other contending leaders envious. I just read on numerous online news medium now that you decided to acquire for yourself a small private jet which costs only a little over $50million (the 2nd in the growing fleet) to make your movement laden with ease. Sir, congratulations on this acquisition especially in this era when Boko Haram is quite unpredictable and might attack public carriers without prior prompting. I only hope the jet is not just bullet proof but also bomb proof, “just in case”.
I overheard some ignorant people saying your purchasing a jet like my piece is unwarranted especially at this period when the country is in turmoil peculiarly with the abduction of those scores of girls but these people are just ignoble in their criticism. They fail to realize that your party’s ideology is “all man for himself” which you have done well in showing us; your able followers.
Moreover, just in case those girls are rescued, remember there is need to pay Borno a grand visit with this new acquisition in order to prove to that boy Shettima that he should rather pitch tent with us permanently instead of that his envious boss Ali Modu Sheriff. Besides there might even be a need to give the girls a lift on this new toy. Congratulations once more sir, after all its not only Dangote or Otedola who knows how to cruise with style.

I hope it is also not too late to further congratulate you on your recent investiture as the chancellor of the Ladoke Akintola University of Technology, LAUTECH. Again several people sent me messages expecting me to criticize this meritorious honor but why should I? A whole Asiwaju cum Jagaban who has editors in his pocket, if I do which editor-in-chief would employ me aboard their news medium so I just arbitrarily kept shut ‘jeje’ as a jobless Nigerian youth.

Moreover who is even more qualified for this honor than you sir, after all your contributions to the education sector especially in Lagos. These people have forgotten how you broke the sanguineous of those mathematicians’ who tried to calculate the percentage of your LASU tuition fee increment from N250 (two hundred and fifty naira) to N25,000 (twenty five thousand naira) in 2005. Was that not how you were able to set an enviable record which was only broken by your able predecessor Babatunde Raji Fashola who increased same from that N25,000 to N250,000 and even N350,000 for some students thereby helping create more drop outs we can use as political thugs due to their half baked knowledge. These people don’t even see reason that these increments help create a new set of rights activists and student leaders some of whom you have in your sagacity converted to loyal boys.
It is sad how people nit-pick you. They have forgotten how you advised protesting students of the same LASU during the 2011 fee increment saga to relax and take the increment in good ‘fate’ as you and your boy only intended to upgrade the school from the advanced secondary school it was to an enviable Ivy League citadel. I remember the only embarrassment for us came when two law students from that same “upgraded secondary school” went on to attain first class honors each at the Nigerian Law school, Abuja; those bias idiots who failed your son only a year later. I remember he had to retake his bar exam despite all the elitist education you exposed him to.

What would your critics even say when they hear that you advised students not to protest again especially during “my local government elections coming up this weekend because if you do you would be attacked and I would instruct news people who would gather in my parlor to write that you are political thugs”. Good thing those students took that advise because am quite sure many of them who have finished their NYSC and those still serving wouldn’t have had such mortal luxury.

I can go on and on about your achievements particularly in the Yoruba dominated region but time would not permit because I know you might not be chanced to finish reading because of the numerous national issues that begs for your attention in your open home at Bourdillon. Please go attend to them; especially the leadership of the Lagos ‘agberos’ whose support is mostly needed at this critical period when Ekiti and Osun comes to mind not forgetting 2015 which is just around the corner. You are just an exceptional leader, if only people like GEJ would learn from you perhaps he would be taught how to, for instance, buy the media with that ‘dangling carrot’ instead of his toothless bull dog threats.

I hope my congratulations is well received.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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1 Comment
  1. Reply
    Babatunde May 4, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    This is a pathetic attempt at satire. The writer is a the guy is a bumbling head. it is a crude attempt at satire. lacks rigour. jaundiced. You will need to be more coherent, intelligent and rigorous for anybody to take you seriously.

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