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Try these: 3 sexy options for when you’re ‘not in the mood’

by Pleasure Mechanics

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Finding alternatives to intercourse will help keep your relationship hot and sexy – and may ironically lead to even more sex when you are in the mood. By taking the time to honor your lover’s desire and find ways to connect intimately, while respecting your own needs and boundaries, you’ll build the kind of trust that allows a sizzling sex life to thrive over the years.

Alternative to Intercourse #1: Exchange Massage

Massage is one of the most luxurious forms of intimacy, and when you know how to give your lover an amazing massage, it opens up whole new possibilities for erotic connection. If you are too stressed out for sex, perhaps your lover is willing to give you a relaxing back massage. In just five or ten minutes, you can totally shift your body chemistry and may find that you are suddenly feeling lusty. Whether or not you end up making love, exchanging massage will give you the chance to connect physically with your lover, feel taken care of and nourish both  your body and your relationship. As sex educators, we offer a line of couples massage video guides because we believe it is one of the foundations of an erotic relationship and can be one of the best tools for phenomenal foreplay or as an alternative to intercourse.

Alternative to Intercourse #2: Give Him a Hand

If you are open to sharing an erotic experience but aren’t in the mood to be touched, take the opportunity to lavish him in attention. Taking turns giving and receiving is a powerful way to share a sexual experience without the pressure of reciprocity. So if your man is in the mood and you are ready to take control and be the “Giver,”  get him to relax in bed and make the agreement that just for now, touch is a one-way experience. He will feel the desire to touch you and this can create a strong craving that can be a delicious tease. Next, touch his entire body, press your body into his, nibble and kiss him in all his favorite places. Then, take his pleasure into your own hands and give him a skilled, confident handjob. Stroke and caress him with a variety of moves, extend his arousal until he is quivering on the edge of release, and then look into his eyes and let him have it. Giving your man one-way pleasure will do wonders for your relationship – and when you are in the mood for receiving pleasure you can invite him to return the favor. All too often, sex is understood to be a reciprocal, all-or-nothing proposal. Switch it up once in awhile and notice how much more frequently you’ll be able to exchange intense pleasure and share intimacy when the pressure for intercourse is released. Want to build your skills and learn proven techniques for being the best he’s ever had?

Alternative to Intercourse #3: Watch and Learn

For those moments when your man is in the mood and you are not up for any kind of sexual intimacy, it may be tempting to send him packing. Many men sneak off and masturbate in the shower, or in front of their computer watching adult videos, their pleasure dampened by a vague sense of guilt or shame. This pattern can be toxic for relationships, so we encourage you to open your mind and invite him to stay in bed and pleasure himself while you watch. This is a highly charged activity but can offer tremendous intimacy, so give it a try and see if you don’t agree that watching a man touch himself can actually be really hot – and educational. As he touches himself, watch and learn from the kind of strokes he enjoys, the amount of pressure he uses and the timing of hisorgasm. This information will make you a better lover and your curious gaze will heighten his arousal. You can also choose to participate by snuggling up to him, kissing his neck and chest, raking your nails over his skin. Allowing him to enjoy his erotic pleasure in front of you communicates that his pleasure and satisfaction is important to you and you support his right to express his sexual needs – even in those moments when you don’t want to actively participate.

Finding alternatives to intercourse will help keep your relationship hot and sexy – and may ironically lead to even more sex when you are in the mood. By taking the time to honor your lover’s desire and find ways to connect intimately, while respecting your own needs and boundaries, you’ll build the kind of trust that allows a sizzling sex life to thrive over the years.

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Read more in Your Tango

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

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